


Twenty Factors that Shaped Mukahi Gakuto

by grayscale



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-29
Updated: 2012-05-29
Packaged: 2017-11-06 05:23:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/415185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayscale/pseuds/grayscale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>For as long as he can remember, Gakuto has hated his father.</i> "Twenty Things" meme for Mukahi Gakuto.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twenty Factors that Shaped Mukahi Gakuto

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my takes on the "Twenty Things" meme that was popular back in the day. I found it particularly fun to do for Prince of Tennis characters because so few of them are very thoroughly developed. Written in 2009.
> 
>  **Warning!** This fic contains depictions of parental abuse. If this might be triggering to you, please be forewarned!

1) For as long as he can remember, Gakuto has hated his father. When he used to make the mistake of telling people, they would tell him he was wrong, that perhaps sometimes he was angry with his father, but he mustn't hate him, and this is the reason why Gakuto keeps that fact entirely to himself anymore. 

But it's as true as it always has been. Gakuto's father is tall and broad and imposing, the CEO of a large, international electronics corporation that's become popular in America recently. Everything about him is powerful, from his laugh to his business dealings to his voice when he yells, speaks, taunts, scolds. Gakuto doesn't think his father is capable of being tender, especially since, as a child, when he was searching for affection, he was always turned away. Self-centred and arrogant, his father makes fun of those beneath him, of Gakuto's mother, of Gakuto. His sense of justice is "my word is law, and those who disobey are punished;" he cares not for the feelings of his employees, of the heads of other companies. 

Ever since Gakuto was a child, his father has demeaned him, calling him weak, worthless, stupid. Gakuto knows he will never live up to his father's expectations, and he doesn't want to. His father's decision to send him to boarding school is the only one Gakuto will ever agree with. 

2) On the other hand, Gakuto pities his mother. At thirty-five, she is twenty years younger than his father, was only twenty-one when Gakuto was born. Gakuto knows he is the product of a, for all intents and purposes, arranged marriage, he's known for some time now how unhappy his mother is, has always been. He's heard his father yell late at night when he's supposed to be asleep, he's seen the five-fingered bruises on his mother's slender, pale wrists. Everything about his mother is pale and slender; when she was younger, she used to be quite pretty, he knows from photographs, but anymore she just looks worn, tired and worn.

He doesn't particularly love his mother; she never protected him from his father's rages in his childhood, she was too good, too obedient a wife for that, but he pities her, and, on some levels, he commiserates with her. He sometimes sends her letters, postcards from school, because he knows they'll cheer her up before she hides them away, in the bottom of a drawer, so that his father won't find them.

3) Gakuto used to hate his height a lot more than he does now; when he stopped growing, way before everyone else his age did, he hated himself, just as his father seemed to hate him, for being too small, being too weak. He blamed his father for somehow stunting his growth, his father blamed his mother's slight genes, and so the guilt was shifted around in a painful mess of unhappiness until Gakuto went away to live in Hyoutei's dorms for middle school. 

It was only once he joined the tennis team that Gakuto started to realize that perhaps being short wasn't the worst thing in the world.

4) Tennis has always been Gakuto's favourite sport. Granted, bungee-jumping and street-dancing aren't really sports, but tennis has always definitely been up there at the top of his list. Tennis, after all, is something at which he can used his acrobatic skills, something in which his height doesn't matter so long as he can jump high enough or run fast enough. When he was young, his father didn't consider it "manly" enough, and so he didn't get to play much, but once he was living at Hyoutei, once he could do as he pleases, the first thing he did was join the tennis club. 

He didn't think he'd be very good, because, after all, he hadn't had much practice and he was rather short. He could do a few tricks at the time, flips, bends, things normal people couldn't, but he didn't make the connection. And then, on the third day of club, he met Oshitari Yuushi. 

5) It certainly wasn't love at first sight, but Gakuto has almost always, since the moment he met him, had a bit of a crush on Yuushi. He was rather attractive, after all, and amazing at tennis, but those things only factored in later, once the fluttering in his heart had begun, they only added to the excitement. But that first meeting, when Yuushi looked over him, assessed him, and then grinned and asked how he felt about doubles... that was really what won Gakuto over. Before Yuushi, no one had ever taken interest in Gakuto, deemed him desirable, for anything. Sure, he had friends, people who liked him well enough, but that was different from _wanting_ him. 

But if Gakuto wasn't won over right then, he didn't stand much of a chance once he saw Yuushi play, understood why they called him a tensai. His tennis was beautiful, elegant, like a work of art, rather than a sport. And it wasn't just his tennis, either, of course, Gakuto remembers wondering if it was legal for one guy to be perfect in so many ways. His eyes, his voice, his mannerisms... Gakuto finds them all ridiculously alluring, and he has since his first year. 

6) Gakuto sometimes wishes Yuushi weren't such a jerk sometimes, though. Only after three and a half months of complete misery did he learn that Yuushi knew and liked him all along, and was only letting Gakuto flirt hopelessly because he thought it was cute. 

7) Whenever he wishes that, however, Yuushi somehow manages to distract him until he's thinking much more favourable thoughts about his boyfriend. 

8) Because of a conflict of interest, they alternate who gets to choose the date every other time. Whenever it is Gakuto's turn to choose, he takes Yuushi to the amusement park or someplace fun like that, and makes him go on all of roller coasters, the faster and twistier, the better. Sometime during the trip, Gakuto makes sure to make time for a stop at KFC. Yuushi often asks him how he can stomach so much grease amidst so many nauseating rides, and Gakuto only shrugs it off and eats the share that Yuushi is too dizzy to eat himself. 

9) Whenever it is Yuushi's turn to choose the date, he takes Gakuto to a sappy romance movie and then someplace nice for dinner. Gakuto supposes he ought to think this is romantic, but really, it's all a little dull, and he'd rather be someplace a little more exciting. Still he puts up with it for Yuushi, because he knows next time it's his turn to pick again. 

10) No matter whose turn it is, however, Gakuto insists Yuushi pay. This insistence was a tough decision to come to in Gakuto's internal monologue, since it came at the price, in his personal opinion, of being dubbed the "girl" of the relationship. Never, however, has Yuushi even hinted that he might think such a thing, a fact that makes Gakuto feel warm inside and cling to Yuushi's arm just a little tighter as he hands Gakuto's purchase to him with a smile and without a word of complaint. 

11) Over school breaks, Gakuto spends his time between Atobe's house and Yuushi's, and avoids his own as much as possible. He knows his father prefers it this way, and he does, too, and since Atobe doesn't ever seem to mind one of his dozens of guest rooms being filled, and Yuushi always welcomes him with a knowing smile. When he's at Atobe's, he likes the fact that he gets an entire king-sized bed to himself, but there's also something really nice about being pressed against Yuushi's body to fit them both into Yuushi's bed, Yuushi's arms wrapped tightly around his waist like he might fall out of bed in the night. 

12) Gakuto has always liked feathers; they were fascinating to him as a child, and the fascination has held over, though he doesn't mention it to anyone. He thinks it's stingy that Hyoutei, rich as it is, doesn't supply its dorms with down pillows, because he likes down pillows the best, and so he must indulge when he's staying with friends. 

Atobe's down pillows are always fresh, always new, keeping their feathers to themselves. They are very comfy, but sometimes, Gakuto wishes he could rip them apart, just to see what's inside. 

Yuushi's down pillows are old, worn. They smell like Yuushi, even when the pillowcase has just been washed, and sometimes, tiny little white feathers poke out into Gakuto's face. Yuushi tells him to push them back in, or he'll ruin the pillow, but when he's not looking, Gakuto carefully frees them, running a single finger over the tiny, soft thing before blowing, letting the feather free to fly on his breath. 

13) Gakuto sometimes wonders what it would be like to fly. He thinks he's the closest to being able to of anyone he knows; he bungee jumps as much as he possibly can, and he's the only one he knows who can effectively execute a Moon Sault. 

But, in any case, gravity always gets him in the end, and Gakuto's brought back to the ground. He wants to know what it'd be like to be free of all his troubles, his responsibilities, to be able to retreat to the sky whenever he pleased. But he can't, and so he makes up for it by flying across the tennis court as much as he possibly can.

14) Aside from tennis, Gakuto loves to dance, and he's rather good at it, too. When he was a child, he wanted to take dancing lessons, but, of course, his father wouldn't allow that, and so he had to teach himself, from watching late night tv shows and music videos. Still, his slender, lithe body lends itself well to dance, and he picked it up quickly. He likes showing off at Atobe's regular parties to the other members of the team, likes the fact that Yuushi, leaning against the wall off to the side, can't take his eyes off of him.

He likes it more when Yuushi finally leaves his spot on the wall and places his hands on Gakuto's hips and moves close, moves with him to the sound of the music. Dancing with someone, Gakuto thinks, is much more fun than dancing alone.

15) Gakuto is a very competitive person. When he was a child, his father would always compare him; "Why aren't you as good as x in school, why aren't you as smart as y?" and so, now, all Gakuto knows to do is to compare himself, as well. 

Kikumaru is an easy target for comparison because they're both good at the same things. He's also a handy target because Gakuto is most definitely better at acrobatics than he is. Honestly, Gakuto has nothing against Kikumaru himself, but Kikumaru fills a position in his life, and so Gakuto continues to "hate" him because it's something he feels he has to do. 

16) Strangely, Yuushi never seems to compare Gakuto to anyone. When Gakuto compares himself, asks Yuushi's opinion, Yuushi will nod or make a noncommittal noise, and when Gakuto presses the matter, Yuushi will say something along the lines of, "I'm dating you, aren't I?" and will often kiss him, and that will be the end of that.

17) Gakuto likes sex very much. He is unabashed of this fact, and Yuushi likes sex, too, so, really, they're all set. Early on, Yuushi introduced Gakuto to all sorts of things he had never dreamed of before; sex in the locker rooms, a school broom closet, out on the tennis courts, in Atobe's house. The places are outrageous, but, Gakuto realized, he liked it, he liked the thrill of it, and so, together, they continue to push the boundaries of obscenity, much to some of the Regular's dismay. 

During sex, Gakuto likes to play coy, because it gets him what he wants. If he's begging for it, Yuushi's much more like to tease him and drag things out than if he whimpers cries, "Yuushi-- not here, not now!" He gets the feeling that Yuushi likes it when he does this, too, as well as when he uses his flexibility in creative ways. Gakuto doesn't mind, and when he limps and whines the next day, it usually gets him special treatment, which he likes, as well. 

18) Ironically, out of his family, Gakuto's father is the only one who knows he's gay. He called Gakuto into his office one day when Gakuto was in 8th grade and simply stated, "You're gay." This understandably startled Gakuto, but what startled him more was when he father did not yell, nor degrade nor hit him. He simply ordered Gakuto "not to show it around the house," and that he was to be at home as little as possible from there on out. This was relatively little of a problem, considering Gakuto already avoided home as much as possible as it was. His father then nodded and dismissed him, and Gakuto left, very confused. 

It was only a while later that he learned of the covered scandal of some brief affair between his father and one of his (male) underlings. Apparently, the entire thing he had been covered up rather well, and, Gakuto learned, upon further investigation, that his father had paid for an expensive lawyer for the other man involved, as well, rather than firing him as Gakuto might have imagined. It was the first time Gakuto ever felt a hint of anything besides hatred for the man, and the last, as well. 

19) When it slowly begins to sink in that Gakuto really isn't as good at tennis as he'd like to believe, it's a hard blow to bear. After all, tennis-- doubles with Yuushi-- is everything to him, but Kantoku loses faith in him entirely after the incident with Kikumaru and Momshirou at the Kanto Tournament, and he's torn from Yuushi's side and stuck half-heartedly with Hiyoshi. In his depression, he thinks it must be better for Yuushi not to have him there, not to be under his burden. 

He hoped the crushed feeling would only linger a day or so, but the depression drags on for weeks, and Gakuto begins to wonder if his father isn't right, if he isn't a failure. He's so hung up on wallowing in his misery that, one day, he doesn't bother to wait for Yuushi to finish his match before going to the locker room to clean up. 

Yuushi catches up with him later, a sombre look on his face, and Gakuto is surprised. They meet eyes for a moment, and then Yuushi informs him that, though they may not be playing doubles anymore, he still needs Gakuto there, cheering him on, or else he can't do his best, and, he asks, does Gakuto understand? Gakuto does understand, and in that understanding, he realizes that he doesn't have to be good at tennis to be worth something, and that's a good realization. 

Much later, halfway through senior year of high school, when Yuushi will decide to go pro, he will inform Gakuto that he has no choice, he has to come with him to all of the tournaments, be they in Europe or Australia or the US. Gakuto, who will have always wanted to travel but will never have gotten the chance, will grin and reply that, well, he was planning on having a career, but if Yuushi insists... And Yuushi will him close and tells him he has no choice, he needs him, and Gakuto will grin and agree. And though the restaurant Yuushi will take him to after that won't be as nice as the party Atobe will have thrown a few weeks ago for Shishido and Ohtori's engagement, Gakuto will like it better, all the same.

20) Gakuto does his absolute best to keep the Regulars from learning about his "home" life; he doesn't like to think about it, doesn't like to deal with it. However, he had the misfortune of running into his father at the department store when, by some freak chance, he had been dragged out by Atobe. His father looked at him for half a second, sneered, and then walked away without any regard whatsoever. 

Atobe talked later of Oedipus Complexes, about how Gakuto's father was tall and strong and dark like Yuushi. Gakuto spits back some flippant remark to his Buchou, but he knows deep down that it's the exact opposite. Gakuto's father never loved Gakuto even though he was supposed to; Yuushi loved Gakuto even though he didn't have to.


End file.
